Ever since I stopped teaching elementary school to stay home with my children, I have had this nagging thought in the back of my head... other than being a mother, what is my purpose? What am I good at? How can I express what's left of my creativity to the world?
I am fairly certain that I cannot go back to teaching. At least not in the same way that I was doing before I had children. I really loved what I did, but doing my job right and up to my own expectations took a lot of time and energy. More than I would be willing to commit now that I have a family. But I have been away from the 'workplace' now for five and a half years and I miss using my skills and creativity to, shall we say, better-the-world!
There have been many ideas that have crossed my mind over the past few years. Maybe I could get crafty enough to make and sell things online. The problem with that... I don't have any experience doing anything that people will want. (Although I have been known to sew. By hand. As a kid, I couldn't understand how the thread worked in a sewing machine and I have rebelled against using one ever since). So until I find a niche in the hand-made world, that won't work.
I have considered staying in the realm of education. Off and on over the last few years, I have tutored kids locally. This hasn't worked out long-term though, because I am not good about having other people watch my children. We just don't really use babysitters other than some family now and then. Plus, the cost of finding a babysitter cuts deeply into what I would make tutoring. Darn.
Then there is the hope that I will come up with the next great invention. Have you ever tried to think about inventing something? It's soooo ridiculous. Sometimes I think that I have come up with something so wonderful that everyone is going to want it. Then I wait a couple days only to realize that it was the dumbest idea ever. Plus, I am too skeptical about getting anything patented. For some reason (possibly based on truth), I think that if I approach a company to get something patented, that company will steal my idea and sell it or just patent it themselves. Is that possible? Does that really happen? I'd like to know...
But my all-time favorite thing to daydream about is writing. Just like I knew that I would one day become a teacher and a mother, I have a voice deep down that is telling me that someday I will write something of great worth. A novel, perhaps? I might be able to start out with something a little more realistic, like a children's book. Oh, the possibilities!
Here's my problem. As with everything I do, I need to do it pretty-much, downright perfectly. Why? I don't really know. But it limits me. A lot. So here's to letting go of some of my preexisting standards and to lowering that bar. Everybody needs to start somewhere, and hey... I am totally willing to fail. Really! Even if I am the only one that reads my great masterpiece, I am happy with that.
Is there something that you just know you are destined to do? I'd love to hear about it!